Toof's

I haven't posted for a while - I went to NY state for the 4th of July. When I was home I decided to drop in on a good friend from High School. He lives about 300 yards from my parents house (actually *exactly* 300 yards. We measured one time - so we could tell how far our waterballoons were flying when we shelled his house with a launcher. A story for another time perhaps). Anyway, he lives within line of sight of my parents deck and I saw him out mowing when I was eating. So I figured I should say hi.

Let me give a little background on my friend, we'll call him Stinky. Stinky was 42 days older than me - but an entire grade ahead of me in school due to some cutoff age. We started hanging out in 9th or 10th grade. I have enough stories about the kid to fill a book - so I will hit some high points in this blog entry.

• He is a total pyro and I have seen him set himself, his dog, his car and his house on fire several times
• Ding Dongs, coke and butter could be all of the food he would eat in one day
• He could build/fix/destroy *anything*
• He absolutely must have a genius IQ - he is so God Damn brilliant
• His mother died recently - very unexpectedly of stomach cancer. She was one of the greatest parents I knew. Not in the - help your kid with homework kind of way. No, in the let your kids torch the house and eat all of the food kind of way. She was magnificent and I miss her.
• He had the ability to explain nuclear fission to a four year old - and they would understand it. He just had a gift for anologies - that I try to emulate - but will never even get close to
  
• He wrecked like 40 cars
• He died in a motorcycle accident (then was revived with over 100 units of blood and plasma)
  

Okay, fast forward to present day. After his mother's death Stinky got married and he and his wife moved into his mother's house (300 yards from my parents). The house has gone down hill pretty quickly. There are cars and car parts in the yard. There are several wooden and wire fences, a shitty shed, and a pool that has 1 foot of *black* water in it.

So I see that he is starting to mow the yard (it looks as if this is his first time this summer). The lawn mower doesn't make the typical starting noise that any suburbanite knows by heart - no it sounds like a fucking jet engine. Yeah, Stinky has somehow put a Pratt and Whitney powerplant on his Toro. I wander over to watch him mow the yard and show him my newest kid.

I get over to the yard and he and his wife say hi (after the post-flight checks have been completed on the Toro). Two things strike me simultaneously.
(1) It smells like shit (I mean feces). I assume/hope that they hit dog shit with the ram-jet-induction propelled Toro. I would later figure out that my kid had unleashed a poo-nami in his diaper. So Stinky was not to blame.
(2) The other, more disturbing thing, I notice is that Stinky has Toof's.

Let me explain. Toof's generically describes anyone that has shitty teeth (think Austin Powers). I have known Stinky for 15 years and his teeth have never been great. But now he has full-blown Toof's. I didn't see the bottom row - but on the top he is missing every other tooth!! How in the hell does this happen??? How does it not get fixed? How does his wife kiss him??? I have so many questions - dammit -someone help me here.