Two things
(1) Jesus H. Christ it fucking smells SO f'ing bad at the end of my floor. I am not attempting to overstate this smell, literally the only way I can think to replicate it would be to get diarhea in a frying pan. Then cooking it on high heat until it starts burning. I know you think I am exagerating - but that is EXACTLY what it smells like. I feel like I have to puke every time I walk by there.
(2) If you know me - you know other than shots my biggest fear is eating alone. I have some weird phobia about it. I think everyone is staring at me and feeling sympathy. STOP LOOKING AT ME!! Anyway, that is why it is so nice to have such a great group of lunch buddies; Erik, Sarah, John and Wayne.... who are all out of the office today???!!?!?!@ Seriously, what the fuck people!?! I will break this fucking Shift key off my computer with !!!??!?!!??'s. Dammit. I know I am just going to sit at my desk and eat... alone... like a total loser. Way to fuck me guys.
posted by Scott at 10:03 AM
7 Comments:
Oh
My
God
I have the same effing fear. I would rather starve than eat alone. I simply won't do it. I sometimes go eat in my car just so someone won't spy me doing it alone. Dammit
10:13 AM
I have to eat alone today, too. Let's pretend that we're eating together. Want some of my bagel?
11:29 AM
Well, eating alone can have its benefits. You can pick all the crap off your sandwich that you don't like and wing it across the cubicle farm at someone you don't care much for then sit back down really fast so nobody sees you.
Thank you for the odor-imagery of frying diarhea. I think I'll skip lunch altogether today.
11:33 AM
Just eat like JV. He has a hatch on his belly and the meal is gone before he has time to feel alone. Then he's gone.
I'm not even kidding. Fastest lunch eater there is.
4:31 PM
plus you can fart and belch out loud. which is nice
9:14 PM
You're fine. I'll be back tomorrow, and no one will stare at you and call you a loser because they will be doing that to me instead.
11:37 PM
It's a leftover behavior from fighting my two brothers for table scraps.
5:01 AM
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