(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

holy shit!

I don't mean like the exclamation when something bad happens - I mean like the most sacred poo ever. Last week I was waiting to use the bathroom on my floor at work. The cleaning lady was in there (she is always in there right after I get to work and right after lunch - the 2 times I have the highest probability of needed the bathroom.... I digress). Anyway she walks out and heads through a door that I have never used. I have been sitting at the same desk on the same floor for 8 years - but I had never used that door. (It used to lead to a set of secure offices where they decided who to fire - I think). Anyway, a lightbulb goes off, "Why does the cleaning lady need to go back there?? It couldn't be... Could it be...? Is that possible... no that isn't poss... or is it? Is there a secret bathroom back there??????"

I had to wait for the coast to clear - but this morning I snuck back there. And holy shit there it was in all its glory. I almost ran back to our desks. But I ran into my team on the way back. I started speaking rapidly (and unintelligibly) to John, WH and my Intern (that's right - I have an intern because I am awesome). We are on the elevator with some other guy and I am spouting about this secret bathroom - but I just did a quick fly-by and had very few details. The team starts asking lots of questions (we have a combined 20 years in this building and no one has ever seen this bathroom). The other guy on the elevator asks if we are crazy [so I cut him - I guess that answered his question].

On the way back from StarBuck's John, Derek, Danielle and I head into the hidden lair. The hall that the bathroom is in has about 10 doors - and I can't remember which it is. Then Danielle here's the Paper Towel dispenser. We all realize simultaneously that means someone is about to emerge!! The door starts to swing open and we all make a mad dash in different directions. Derek runs into John, spilling coffee down Derek's shirt. We looked like kids who almost got caught egging someone's house.

Anyway - the guy coming out just laughed at us. We doubled back and checked out the bathroom. HOLY SHIT!! It has an ante room with 2 chairs. Then the interior actual bathroom. The lock is on the outer room! So you could, as John said, "strip naked out in this room and then head in for a naked shit." God dammit - it is fucking amazing!

I realize that I am spouting off about this to the whole Internet and that means I will probably have to get in a line when I christen the tabernacle - but man it will be worth it.

[From this point your wait for the tabernacle is 45 minutes]


Blogger Libby said...

Oh, man, this is awesome! Will you have the guts to use that one forever-N-ever now?

1:03 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

I can't believe you guys went back there. It's like a totally forbidden land. I'm impressed.

3:05 PM

Blogger Derek said...

Me bumping in to John was so ridiculous. All it needed was a "bonk!" sound effect followed by a foghorn or a slide whistle.

3:53 PM

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

It's derek's first week for god's sake. Don't get him in trouble already.

5:02 PM

Blogger John said...

I bought a nice shirt off of Derek today.

11:49 PM

Blogger John said...

Oh and the bathroom will be a permanent residence once they turn up the wireless on my laptop. I will move my desk into the prep room and work naked all day.

11:50 PM

Blogger Weary Hag said...

Now wouldn't it be a kicker if the flushing device turns out to be FUBAR?

2:49 PM

Blogger Sylvana said...

LOL! I wish that I could have seen you guys in that hall! :))

12:57 AM

Blogger Sarah said...

HEy i want to come see the tabernacle but not naked working john. mufflt mad e me all drunk so blam eher for this.

12:30 AM

Blogger John said...

you know you want to see me working naked in the pre room.

12:36 AM

Blogger LizzieDaisy said...

This would make a cool sitcom... almost sounds like an episode of Seinfeld. Actually, wasn't there a whole episode based on George not leaving his job cause he finally got an office with a bathroom?

Anyhoo... they probably have security cameras in the hall just for fun. I would. :)

3:10 PM

Blogger "AG" said...

I was just wondering...is pooping in a public stall a guy thing? I hold it in til I get home. Back when I worked in an office, men would bring newspapers with them like they were at home.

3:09 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pooping in a public stall is a personal preference. Some guys can just do it, but I think the majority of us dread it. I hold it if I can.

This new found bathroom sounds like heaven...are you hiring?

11:21 PM

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