(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Zealots - keep your fucking hands off my kids.

Lots of things piss me off. Organized religions recruiting new disciples tops the list. If you want to practice your religion - whatever it is - go for it. But don't tell me that I am "going to hell" or "a sinner" or "blastphemor" or "going to die in hell fire" etc if I don't want to join your club. You know what? I think if God can make the world in seven days - he could handle his own recruiting - but that's just me.

It gets worse when zealots make a play for kids. One day Sarah and I were at the mall and we saw "The Passion of the Christ for Kids" (not the exact title). For real? Kids need to see Jesus tortured and killed (albeit in cartoony pastels I am sure). If Mohammad or Jesus or Buddha are the way - then their light should be bright enough to attract my kids. Don't try to snatch my kids into your religion (I have a story I am working around to).

On Sunday we went to "The 2nd Anual Duct Tape Festival". We saw lots of rednecks and ate lots of carnival food. It was pretty awesome. I ate funnel cake with powdered sugar AND carmel (I love America forever!!). As we were eating, with some friends, my wife sees a booth that is making "sand art". My wife is obsessed with "sand art" (they take different colors of sand and put them into something in a stack of colors - it's pretty - I guess). Anyway, she is all excited to take the boy over and let him try his hand at sand art. She is gone for about 5 minutes and comes back - she is dazed.

Here is what I see. The boy is happy and has a sand filled bracelet. My wife is dazed and is fighting to find English words to describe what just happened. She hands me a card and mutters, "read this..." (I didn't keep the card because I don't recognize blogger gold when I see it). Here is the rough outline of what is on the card
black sand - the black represents the sin that is in all of us
yellow sand - the yellow represents the gold that lines the streets in heaven
red sand - the red represents the blood of christ
blue sand - something else crazy... you get the idea

So that isn't the bad part. The bad part is that the lady making the bracelet is talking to my (not even 3 year old) son while she makes it. "Here is the black sand. It represents sin - like when we don't put away our toys." WHAT? I skimmed the commandments - but I don't rememeber anything like that! Did you just tell my fucking kid that leaving his toys out is a sin?? Holy shit - if it was me I would have grabbed the boy and walked away saying, "Go sell crazy someplace else - we're all stocked up here!" Holy F'ing shit I can't believe this lady. My wife said she had an equally touching (and child inappropriate) description for the blood of christ (the last my wife heard before she blacked out).

Okay - the good news is my son was condemned way before this encounter (for leaving his tricycle out in the rain). God HATES that shit. Oh, the other good thing is that he is blissfully unaware of crazy when he encounters it - so he ignored Crazy McZealot. But for real - I hope this lady doesn't have a Day Care or anything. "Well Tommy I know somebody who isn't getting a snack.... oh and who will spend eternity in hell fire."

10 Comments:

Blogger slcup said...

Damn that's funny and icky and other things, too. Sadly, people like that give people like me (I go to church every Sunday, it works for me but I'm not going to try and sell you - to each his own) a bad name. Your little encounter is a glimpse of what life in SLC aka Mormon Capital of the World is like. I can't get started on how much I hate them or it'll black sand all over the place.

3:40 PM

 
Blogger Rob Seifert said...

People like this make me nuts too. The arrogance to assume that their way is right, not only for them, but for me and my kids borders on the insane. The scary thing for me is that it's getting worse not better. The mucky mucks are busilly legislating morality up on capital hill because some people cannot take responsibility for their own actions. I'll show and teach my children what I think is good for them and I'll protect them from what I think is bad and I'll f'ng smack the dogmeat(thank you hag) out of anyone who deigns to try to supercede my position as a parent.

RCS

3:40 PM

 
Blogger John said...

so your bligtitle really wasn't missing a comma after God in the title afterall.

8:14 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

When I managed the e-mail system at another company, I was sorting through the quarantine one day, and there was two born again christians sending mail back and forth, and they were....GLOATING. Gloating about how awesome it was to be saved, and how they felt sorry for all the sinners who didn't know any better, but tough nuts, it's their own fault for not seeing the light. At the time, I thought they were just nuts. Later I realized they were pretty standard specimens. What complete fucking ARROGANCE. It still pisses me off. The thing that kills me is that they don't even see what's wrong with acting that way when they are supposed to extoll christian values.

9:12 PM

 
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

My Mom always brings religious books for the kids when she visits. I looked at one of the books about the saints and it depicted Indians killing Missionaries in all sorts of interesting and graphic ways. Them books burned real good.

God bless us all.

10:13 PM

 
Blogger Scott said...

I live in a very conservative Christian neighborhood in Georgia. Three doors down, a woman maintains a "Jesus board" - a whiteboard on her front lawn which has some different bible quote every day.
This past Halloween, a cute little girl who couldn't be older than 4 or 5 asked for candy, but then handed us something - a card signed by her parents (and presumably her, but it looked like parents trying to be cute) saying how they hoped we were saved and that Jesus loves us. I looked up and the parents were at the end of the driveway waving.

3:44 PM

 
Blogger Weary Hag said...

There was a brief time during the 70s when I completely lost my little mind. In my quest to "belong" I sought religion. Scary stuff. I mean, sit on the edge of your seat, scary.
I'd stand in parking lots passing out Biblical tracts and such ... until one day, like a bright light from above, I regained my sanity. Now I look at those people, shake my head and think, "there but by the grace of God go I."
Irony at its finest.

7:27 AM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

Seriously what's up with your wife's obsession with sand art.

9:03 AM

 
Blogger Zach said...

My mom's a right wing christian and I'm an atheist. I feel like I want to shoot her 90 percent of the time I talk to her. Well, anyway, nice blog. Keep writing.



Zach

11:59 PM

 
Blogger LizzieDaisy said...

I'm with urban princess... go every week and am nothing like that... those people embarrass me. There are some real messed up "religious" whackos out there who somehow missed the whole gist of the Bible. Sorry you seem to keep running into them.

10:56 AM

 

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