Zealots - keep your fucking hands off my kids.

Lots of things piss me off. Organized religions recruiting new disciples tops the list. If you want to practice your religion - whatever it is - go for it. But don't tell me that I am "going to hell" or "a sinner" or "blastphemor" or "going to die in hell fire" etc if I don't want to join your club. You know what? I think if God can make the world in seven days - he could handle his own recruiting - but that's just me.

It gets worse when zealots make a play for kids. One day Sarah and I were at the mall and we saw "The Passion of the Christ for Kids" (not the exact title). For real? Kids need to see Jesus tortured and killed (albeit in cartoony pastels I am sure). If Mohammad or Jesus or Buddha are the way - then their light should be bright enough to attract my kids. Don't try to snatch my kids into your religion (I have a story I am working around to).

On Sunday we went to "The 2nd Anual Duct Tape Festival". We saw lots of rednecks and ate lots of carnival food. It was pretty awesome. I ate funnel cake with powdered sugar AND carmel (I love America forever!!). As we were eating, with some friends, my wife sees a booth that is making "sand art". My wife is obsessed with "sand art" (they take different colors of sand and put them into something in a stack of colors - it's pretty - I guess). Anyway, she is all excited to take the boy over and let him try his hand at sand art. She is gone for about 5 minutes and comes back - she is dazed.

Here is what I see. The boy is happy and has a sand filled bracelet. My wife is dazed and is fighting to find English words to describe what just happened. She hands me a card and mutters, "read this..." (I didn't keep the card because I don't recognize blogger gold when I see it). Here is the rough outline of what is on the card
black sand - the black represents the sin that is in all of us
yellow sand - the yellow represents the gold that lines the streets in heaven
red sand - the red represents the blood of christ
blue sand - something else crazy... you get the idea

So that isn't the bad part. The bad part is that the lady making the bracelet is talking to my (not even 3 year old) son while she makes it. "Here is the black sand. It represents sin - like when we don't put away our toys." WHAT? I skimmed the commandments - but I don't rememeber anything like that! Did you just tell my fucking kid that leaving his toys out is a sin?? Holy shit - if it was me I would have grabbed the boy and walked away saying, "Go sell crazy someplace else - we're all stocked up here!" Holy F'ing shit I can't believe this lady. My wife said she had an equally touching (and child inappropriate) description for the blood of christ (the last my wife heard before she blacked out).

Okay - the good news is my son was condemned way before this encounter (for leaving his tricycle out in the rain). God HATES that shit. Oh, the other good thing is that he is blissfully unaware of crazy when he encounters it - so he ignored Crazy McZealot. But for real - I hope this lady doesn't have a Day Care or anything. "Well Tommy I know somebody who isn't getting a snack.... oh and who will spend eternity in hell fire."