(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Monday, June 06, 2005

Holy effing hot

I retract my doubts about the whole "Global Warming" thing. It is mother fucking hot outside right now. I almost died yesterday. Here's the deal. I used to be on the swim team, in high school. I was 180lbs and 6'4" (that is pretty thin). I could swim like an M'Fer and was in great aerobic shape. I have since gained 60lbs (I weigh 240 for the math challenged). So 240 and 6'4" - if you look at the "Am I going to have a heart attack today?" chart I am in the yellow section. So not great but decent (you know for an American Gen. x'er).

Well when I take off my white T-shirt the most note worthy thing isn't my slight paunch that hangs over my belt - its the fact that it still looks like I have a white T-shirt on. I have a farmer's tan from way back. I rarely take my shirt off where I can be seen (you know - in view of the sun). This has to do with some weird body image things that only girls should have.

Anynugget it was about 4,000 dergrees at Chez-Scott yesterday and I was working in the sun. So I had to make a big decision. Sweat my nuts off or lose my shirt. I told Sarah that in my head there is a complex matrix/cost benefit analysis that tells me when it is socially acceptable to take my shirt off. I tried to draw this out for you - but Stephen Hawking and I are the only ones on earth that can comprehend this 4 dimentional theoretical mathematical matrix. So I am giving you the dumbed down version. (To Shamus : I will try to build one that uses Celsius so you can understand too).


Blogger Beck said...

Sheesh, I'd hate to see how hot it would have to be for you to lose your pants, too!

Glad you're back... I missed your rage.

6:58 PM

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

So did you do the shorts or long pants?

9:17 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

Scott has no problem with shorts cuz he has sexy calves. Right, Scotty?

10:20 PM

Blogger Scott said...

I will wear shorts in any weather above 0 degrees. My calves have actual muscle mass and definition (through no effort of my own - this is purely genetic - but I'll take what I can get)

7:55 AM

Blogger Brian said...

The clinic is opening a new gastric bypass floor. I'll donate $10

8:06 AM

Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

The formula is subtract 32 and then divide by 2.

I hate that I have to keep track of things in both formats. As if I didn't have enough crap to remember.

4:07 PM

Blogger John said...

I think the formula is eat a cock and then say eh all the time.

7:10 PM

Blogger Weary Hag said...

Call me warped but I think there's something kind of sexy about a farmer's tan; it conjures up images of a rugged, outdoorsy, not-afraid-of-a-little-hard-work, buff as all get out, stud-muffin riding a tractor. Crap. Now look what you've done.

6:47 AM


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