Diagonal Parkers

I can't believe that I have been blogging for 5 months and this hasn't come up. Diagonal Parkers - you know who I am talking about - right? You go the grocery store and the cars are all as close as possible to the front door of the store - all of them but one. It's a 2001 Honda Civic that is as far from the door as possible. It is a $14,000 car with $13,000 worth of shit strapped to it. Tinted windows, fart pipes (sound it sounds like a lawn mower passing you), spoiler, ground effects, "CIVIC" written across the whole back window (as if this is some fucking badge of honor), some fucking ugly windshield wipers, etc. Oh and it is parked so that it takes up 4 parking spaces. So help me I will fucking destroy your 19-year-old ass. So you've doubled the cost of your car - but it is still slower than my parents mini-van. Nice work dick.

If I am ever terminally ill and "Make a Wish" Foundation asks me what I want ... like a lapdance from Kathy Ireland or something. I'll say no. I want a Armored Personnel Carrier with a battle ram. Then I am going to go from grocery store to shitty grocery store destroying every pimped-out Neon, Cavalier and Accord I can find. Man that would be awesome!!! (I mean not being terminally ill - but the wrecking shop on diagonally parking a-rods).