(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Diagonal Parkers

I can't believe that I have been blogging for 5 months and this hasn't come up. Diagonal Parkers - you know who I am talking about - right? You go the grocery store and the cars are all as close as possible to the front door of the store - all of them but one. It's a 2001 Honda Civic that is as far from the door as possible. It is a $14,000 car with $13,000 worth of shit strapped to it. Tinted windows, fart pipes (sound it sounds like a lawn mower passing you), spoiler, ground effects, "CIVIC" written across the whole back window (as if this is some fucking badge of honor), some fucking ugly windshield wipers, etc. Oh and it is parked so that it takes up 4 parking spaces. So help me I will fucking destroy your 19-year-old ass. So you've doubled the cost of your car - but it is still slower than my parents mini-van. Nice work dick.

If I am ever terminally ill and "Make a Wish" Foundation asks me what I want ... like a lapdance from Kathy Ireland or something. I'll say no. I want a Armored Personnel Carrier with a battle ram. Then I am going to go from grocery store to shitty grocery store destroying every pimped-out Neon, Cavalier and Accord I can find. Man that would be awesome!!! (I mean not being terminally ill - but the wrecking shop on diagonally parking a-rods).

8 Comments:

Blogger Libby said...

HA!!
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

7:25 PM

 
Blogger Mordja said...

Holy crap, that same thing pisses me off except you're way more eloquent about it.

I thought about it and I think I'd get just as much satisfaction (if not more) by taking a hammer and a bag of small nails and nailing the nails into the car in out of the way spots so that I know they're there and the owner probably does not. That gives me a sick sort of satisfaction.

11:40 PM

 
Blogger Weary Hag said...

If the day comes when you get your "Make a Wish" wish, I would pay you many dollars to include minivans in your quest.
Nice rant!

5:51 AM

 
Blogger Other Brother said...

Dumping a Wendy's Frosty on the doorhandles and windows will make you feel better, too.

11:04 AM

 
Blogger slcup said...

I'm in love with Angry Scott.

11:33 AM

 
Blogger Tigerlily said...

Even though you d'ed up my new design, and I REALLY want to call you GAY, I have to tell you that I heart you.

1:08 PM

 
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

make a wish - yeah, I hate now when you buy something at the store or even a damn movie ticket they hit you up.
"Would you like to donate a dollar to the Legless Children of Albany?"
"No, I'm a callous bastard, now give me ticket to 'Tale of the Travelling Pants' and let me go on my way."

5:23 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Rice boys are on my short list you bastard! Beat me too it, ya did.

Shamus, I'm with ya. I usually suggest that they just take a buck off the price of my ticket and donate that.

11:28 PM

 

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