(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Monday, July 11, 2005

Answer your God Damn phone

Somewhere in my blog (I am to lazy to find and link to it) I talk about how I hate talking on the phone. Trust me - I hate it. The phone is like a needle - if I am not expecting the phone or the needle they will hurt and piss me off. But if I have a splinter that I have to dig out - as painful as it may be - I need the needle. Just like the phone - as painful as it may be - sometimes I need it.

So I have to make calls. There are 4 females I can talk to on the entire earth.
(1) My Mom
(2) My Sister
(3) My Wife
(4) Sarah

(This is also pretty much the list of people allowed to call me Scotty - if you add my sister's friend Jill).

Anyway - when I am with these people they are on the phone about 54% of the time. Sarah regularly takes calls during lunch and as we walk to lunch and during volleyball games etc. My wife is on the phone *all* the time. I have no idea who she is talking to - but I know it's not me. I get home from work and just stand there with my thumb up my ass as she gabs away. Meanwhile, I wait and try to figure out things like, do I have time to go to the store before dinner? how long have the boys been asleep? who drew on the wall? Who are you talking to? Are we still meeting the Smith's for dinner? Nope she just keeps going.

Even more annoying is the fact that she too will answer the phone at any time. No matter what is happening. I could be hip deep in poopy diapers and need her help. the phone rings and she darts across the room and grabs it. My kids could be bleeding from their fucking eyes and she will *always* get the phone. EXCEPT - if it is me calling. My wife *NEVER* answers the god damn phone when I call her - ever. At home we don't even have caller ID - so I am not sure how she does this - but I am universally ignored. Again, the kids could be bleeding out their eyes and she won't answer my calls for help. I will call 32 times - just to see how high I can get that little number of missed calls number. It pisses me off like nothing else in this world (except other drivers, terrorists, Jared, some other shit). The exact same thing happens with Sarah. Like I said she will take any call at any time - but my calls never get answered. It is a fucking conspiracy. I am going to keep detailed records from now on.


Anonymous yvonne said...

first time poster. short time reader.... Too funny, and my hubbys the same way, always with the phone in his ear. me.. i have to be bleeding out my eyes before i "need" to make a call.

4:21 PM

Blogger Kris said...

F'in phones. We need to go back to the days of smoke signals and pony express.

7:32 PM

Blogger Beck said...

After being a receptionist for 5 years, where you have to answer the phone when it rings or you're FIRED, I have the same obsessive compulsion to answer the phone. Did your wife used to be a secretary/receptionist?

10:10 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

Goddammit, Scott. The last time you called me it was during "Lost"!!! What the eff do you expect?

Also not to bring up the past--no, actually eff that--to bring up the past, you have been known to hang up on me while I was mid-sentence. Your wife will vouch for this. I think this makes us even.

9:32 AM

Blogger slcup said...

Scott, I'd answer if you called me. I have a two ring maximum, it's like an automatic response.

10:55 AM

Blogger Holden said...

I totally feel with you. I hate the phone too... most of the time however...;)

Your Blog is great!

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes


12:35 PM

Blogger John said...

in your wife's defense, talking to you on the phone might be the least rewarding most uncomfortable thing ever. I mean if I'd never shaved my scrotum it would have been.

1:47 PM

Anonymous Ona said...

hi all - as the wife of said man who wrote this bolg - i do talk on the phone a lot - and yes the phone does ususlly ring right when he gets home - but its usually someone calling to confirm the nights activities (ie. iam i going to go work out and lose those 30 lbs i put on to bear your children.)

Also when you are at home and the only person you have to talk to are a 3 year old and a 10 month old - you would talk on the phone too - A LOT.

5:27 PM

Anonymous Lisa researching answering services said...

You seem stressed.

8:25 PM


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