(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Thursday, May 19, 2005

My name is Nancy - nice to meet you

So I am basically a big wuss. I am terrified of getting shots. I went about 15 years shot free from 1990 - 2005. I always thought - I bet tetanus is not nearly as bad as getting a shot. Flu? I can take the flu - that's like a bad cold - right? Why do I need a shot to avoid that? I mean sometimes the shot gives you the flu - right? And I am not just a wimp now - I have been a wimp my whole life. When I was about 10 I got a splinter in my foot. I spent all day telling my parents to take it out - then when they got the needle out - I'd flap my arms and run away screaming. Finally, my dad just sat on me and they dug gthe splinter out.

You'd think my kids would be little Nance's too - but they are not - they are like their mom. She shoved both of them out (one of them has a head that is bigger than yours - and he was 2' 1" and 10lbs 10oz). While our second kid was still gooey - she was like, "okay, we can have another." WTF?

My kid is even more amazing. One day I walked into the bathroom while he was in the tub. He handed me something - a piece of wood - about the length of my pinky nail. "What's this bub? Where did you find this?" He lifts his foot out of the water and shows me his foot - there is a wound the size of the splinter. HOLY FUCK my dad had to sit on me - but my kid just yanks it out on his own! Like I mentioned - I went like 15 years shot free. But as a kid you get lots of shots. So my kid gets ear infections like once a week. But we never know it - because he never complains - EVER. So we end up at the doctor after he throws up! (like from the disorientation of severe middle ear inflammation). The doctor is always like, "man that looks angry" as he looks into his ear. Why is my kid an Ironman? So he had ear infections for about a month straight. We went through varying levels of drugs. Finally the doctor was like, "well we can do a series of shots - to clear it up." It was 2 shots a day for three days!!! That was 6 TIMES the number of shots I have had since Reagan was president!! So they gave him the shots - if his language was advanced enough he would have said, "bring that weak shit!" He just took it like a fucking man (not like his old man).

Well, the shots didn't work. So they had to give him tubes in his ears. At the same time he had a procedure to cut the little "fin" of skin that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. His connected too far out to the tip and would impede language (and making out with chicks - something his old man IS good at). So he goes under and gets his ear drums lanced and his tongue hacked. We are braced for the worst. Expecting to need to use lots of pain medication and be on a diet of water.

He wakes up from surgery.... "I want crackers" So we start breaking up little pieces of graham cracker. He reaches over and grabs a whole cracker and shoves it in his mouth. He just mounges it down. He never mentioned the surgery or the tongue or any pain. I would have been on the couch whining for a week - minimum.

So I'm a nancy girl - and my kid is tougher than me.


Blogger The Big Poschmansky said...

Well i just got into this whole blog thing, my friend David said if i wanted to laugh i needed to check out your site. I have to admit that is some of the funniest shit i heard in while. "God I piss me off" is just classic. anyways thanks for the good reads.

1:15 PM

Blogger Carly said...

Your kid is awesome.

My daughter had to have four teeth pulled before she got fitted for her. We went to the oral surgeon. They gave her a little tiny cup of something to drink; which they assured me would tranquilze her little self into complacency.

No way.

I dragged her into the room and put her in the chair and she was screaming "I want to go home, I don't want to get my teeth pulled out" so loud Mr. C could hear her from the waiting room down the hall. It was killing me. They were trying to get her into inhale the happy gas and she was having none of it, thank you very much.

They went to plan B which is hold her down and give her a shot of something to lull her to sleep.

Still yelling. Loudly.

Second shot finally did the job. Of course after the four teeth were pulled (which took 10 mintues or so- tops) she was a floppy little mess and we needed to wheelchair her out to the car and I had to hold her head because she would puke now & then all the way home.

It was a real good time and we just found out she needs to get the next set of teeth pulled. (The world of orthodontia.... so much fun... and our bank pays a maximum of $1k which will cover lunches for the dentists and that's about it.)

6:58 PM

Blogger Carly said...

(Oh my god, sorry, for leaving such a long comment. Too much caffeine today!)

6:59 PM

Blogger Amy said...

(recent time reader, long time laugher)

now that's some funny stuff. your kid is the shizznit! i want a baby just like that!

8:56 PM

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

maybe he just has no pain receptors. Keep him away from the stove.

9:43 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

Your kid's head is an impenetrable fortress.

11:14 PM

Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Glad it went well.

I hate needles, but I gave blood for my son's operation when he was 6 months old. It's easy to get past dumb fears when your mind is on other stuff, I guess.

1:04 PM

Blogger John said...

Scott might be a big pussy but sometimes when he's kicking ass I'm in the backgroung choking on a Jolly Rancher tm .

12:31 AM

Blogger Libby said...

my daughter bawled & screamed when she got the booster shot in 7th grade...at my doctor's office, and she was 14! she lived though, now she's 21...and tough, finally...she makes guys cry now!

8:01 PM

Blogger Weary Hag said...

I'm not so gun-shy of the shot as I am of what it's got in it! I had a shot when I was in the hospital as a kid...it was supposed to stave off nausea. Great, no one could predict that I'd be highly allergic to the crap and have a near-stroke as a result.
Now I question everything that makes its way into my body. Well, almost everything.

6:26 AM

Blogger LizzieDaisy said...

Well my daughter came in and announced, "Mom, I swallowed a nail," last summer. That woke up a few people at the ER counter. Cool xray. No crying... lots of explaining. Mother's Day she pulled her ENTIRE front tooth out with a little wire wand she'd stuck in her mouth. She cried because it bled, but as soon as her dad gave her some water to rinse it down (ewww), she was all about "how much do I get for that?" Yeah, she has three older brothers. Killer ear infections, falling down the stairs... never a peep. In fact, at this very moment, I can't decide whether to take the child in for xrays on her arm. COULD be broken, but then again... she's not crying. She's smiling. Unless you touch it or ask her to move it. Sigh...

Wish I was like that... my hubby said my head spun around in circles like that chick in The Exorcist, when I actually had to deliver a baby (csections). I'm a wuss too. Then again, I'm a girl. :D

That got long too...

6:48 PM

Blogger slcup said...

my name is sarah - update your blog.

10:15 AM

Blogger John said...

my name is John. eat a cock. Scott not Sarah.

8:33 PM

Blogger slcup said...

not like I haven't eaten a cock before...

11:59 AM

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

You're on vacation, you bitch. You've got nothing but time. Write something already.

10:07 PM

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