(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

My eyes are shit brown

I avoid talking about easily identifiable characterstics - so people I work with can't figure out I am me and fire me (I mean the illiteracy is not conclusive - but people that know me know English is not really my deal). But I have to tell you one thing about me for this story. I have brown eyes. My sister says I have "shit green eyes" (She loves me a lot - can you feel it?) Anyway - they are brown - but today they became more brown...

I went into the bathroom on my floor. I headed into stall #3 (the farthest from the door). I see that someone hasn't flushed - or put the seat down (a side note - I really couldn't give a shit about if the seat is up or down. Why can't women just look and adjust accordingly?) So in one economical motion I bend over and flush as I flip the lid down. Well - our company has toilet's designed by Pratt and Whitney - they literally form a shit tornado when flushed. Well I am bent over and my face is right above the eye of the storm. "Fluid" was jettisoned straight up and hit me in the face and eye!!! I am pretty sure I am going to die - so this may be my last post. Farewell cruel world!!

9 Comments:

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

That is classic! I always back away and flush with my foot. I don't want to get hit with my own crap let alone some stranger's.

4:46 PM

 
Blogger slcup said...

That's horrifiable disgusting! I've got a great "inappropriate substance in my eye" story, but I don't know how I feel about putting it out there for everyone to read. Maybe later this week I won't care...

5:19 PM

 
Blogger ARM said...

Always flush with the foot!!!

5:42 PM

 
Blogger Dramedy Girl said...

A great cautionary tale for the Good Samaritans among us! I’m sorry that happened to you, but I haven’t laughed so hard in a while. Good luck!

6:01 PM

 
Blogger Sylvana said...

The worst thing that I can remember getting in my eye was cat spit(my cat drools and likes to fling it). Ewww! Someone else's shit flurry- that's just a recipe for hypochondria. I'd be in the ER right now if I were you!

8:51 PM

 
Blogger sideshow bob said...

3rd one down? That's my stall, too! I have one question, though. If the toilet was full of shite, why in the world would the seat be up?!?

I also sometimes see shit on the seat itself. We need to find the people who do this and make them clean it....no, Kill them!!! They aren't worth the toilet paper they didn't feel obliged to clean their mess up with.

9:29 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

I had the misfortune of occupying a stall next to a seat splatterer. It was hell. You could hear it hitting the underside of the seat like fat, heavy summer raindrops.

9:49 PM

 
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

"Well I am bent over and my face is right above the eye of the storm."

What possessed you man?? If you need to examine your shit, you should do so before you flush. Yeah, it looks cool going around and around but it's like staring at the sun, don't do it!

8:21 AM

 
Blogger Ryan said...

I've noticed for years, well-dressed corporate types have the nastiest bathroom etiquette imaginable. The guys in my company love to piss on the seat and leave a bit of "show and tell" for all. Classy!

1:04 PM

 

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