(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Friday, May 06, 2005

Guns and Roses

[This is going to be long for me - but it is a pretty good story. Thanks to Erik for convincing me to post it].

It was July of 1992. I was between 11th and 12th grade. My future wife was going off to college (about 2 hours away). A bunch of my other friends were going to college. My friend Jack was going off to the Army. Well Jack, Eric, Scott and I got tickets to see Guns and Roses and Metallica 07/25/92 at Rich Stadium in Buffalo. I had never been to a concert, let alone a double headline massive stadium tour concert.

We left our home town pretty early for the 1 hour trek. The whole way in we listened to the radio and they played GnR and Metallica non-stop. We were totally pumped. We got to the stadium and proceeded to the field (oh yeah we had general admin seats on the ground). The opening act was Faith No More (I can't believe this concert didn't have a 'palooza at the end of it). We were about 35 yards from the stage for FNM. They played a few songs - most of which I knew. They were a good opening act.

After FNM there was a set change to get 'tallica set up. Well they came out and starting rocking that mother fucker. They were touring in support of their Metallica (Black) Album. So I knew a lot of that stuff and some of their more well played older stuff. When they played "One" - it was AWESOME!!! They had a huge screen behind them and there were lots of visuals. (If I was Johnny V. I could paint this picture with my words - but just trust me it was awesome). They closed up with "Seek and Destroy" - they get the crowd chanting Seek and Destroy!!! The crowd is in a TOTAL frenzy. Moshing is out of control. We have move to about 15 yards from the stage - and we are getting knocked around by throngs of humanity. Metallica exits. We all start talking to each other about how awesome that was and how awesome GnR is going to be (I was/am a HUGE GnR fan [I am listening to them right now]).

[This gets better keep reading]

I feel a tap on my shoulder - it is Brandy D (the hottest girl in my school by far). I had no idea she was there and she found me in a crowded stadium. I was surprised she even knew my name (but there were only 300 people in my entire high school).
"Hey Scott - I lost Jeram - can you help me?"
"Sure." (I think I might have almost blacked out from a sudden transfer of blood).
"Can I sit on your shoulders and look around?"
(I wanted to work in some clever - you can do it if you face backwards type comment - but I managed) "Sure"
Well Brandy found Jeram - so I had to put her back down. But it is official that I got between Brandy's legs - for all of theose keeping score at home.

Well that took up about 4 minutes of the hour+ set change for GnR. It was annoying to wait - and the crowd was pretty fired up still. Well in traditional Buffalo style - people filled the time by beating the shit out of each other. We saw a few fights break out in the stands. Then more - then more - then more... Then things went airborne. The sky was suddenly alive with objects. Shoes, bottles, cups, shirts, tampons - hell everything. It looked like Hitchcock's "The Birds". The crew and I formed a circle and we would block shit from hitting each other. I am sure some girl somewhere was saying, "You guys quit it - quit being jerks!"

Well the melee was full go - I thought in a best case they would cancel the show and in a worst case I was going to get tear gassed by the National Guard. There was no way to calm the crowd. There was an infinitely reusable supply of objects to throw and people were getting more pissed at each other and at waiting. I got hit by a lighter, a shoe and a few cups (no tampons though). I thought *maybe* FNM will come out and sing and save the day - but the stage was still in disarray and the best they would be able to do is some improvised acoustic. No, we were fucked and I was going to miss GnR "Eric look out - shoe!"

As the chaos grew worse (we could see dozens of fights in the stands) the jumbotron lit up. It was fully zoomed in on a SUPER hot girl. She yanks up her top. Like automotons the entire crowd wheels and looks. All objects in flight complete their ballistic tradgectory and land. Guys stop punches in mid-air. Peace breaks out everywhere. (They need some hot boobies in the Middle East apparently). [This is a geeky reference - but I have a geek score of 86 so...] It was like when the droid control ship gets blown up in Star Wars Episode 1 and the droids just stop fighting - all of them - at the same time.

Well the camera crew starts panning around and guys start loading hotties onto their shoulders for everyone's viewing pleasure. (Where is Brandy now? When I need her most???) At one point the camera pulls up on a blonde and she is hot. We are jumping up and down and screaming "Take it off!!" I realize that the arm on camera is moving exactly as I do. I wiggle my fingers and so does the hand on the screen. I spin around just in time to see a perfect rack exposed about 3 feet behind me. (Again with the blood shift).

At some point they zoom in on a 500+ lb woman eating ice cream in the stands. People start screaming, as if they were showing a baby seal being clubbed. the lady makes like seductive eyes and then starts hoisting her enourmous shirt. We are screaming "NO, GOD please NO!!" The camera mercifully cut away just in time.

Well GnR came out and totally fucking kicked ass in ways that I can't describe with words. It was fucking AWESOME!!!!!

6 Comments:

Blogger Erik with a K said...

That is one of the greatest concert-melee booby exposing GnRpalooza stories I have ever read.

You are so lucky...

11:06 AM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

This is, in fact the ONLY concert-melee booby exposing GnRpalooza stories I have ever read.

12:43 PM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

I'm the "you guys quit being jerks!" girl. Totally. At the Green Day concert I went to during my senior year in high school everyone starting ripping up the grass (it was at Blossom) and throwing it. An all out grass fight for like over an hour. I would've told people they were jerks, but I was having a severe allergy attack and had to go over by the pavilion to get away from the grass. How effing cool am I. The grass fight only stopped when Green Day came out and said, "You guys are a bunch of fucking morons. Quit throwing grass, assholes." Then they rocked, and it was awesome.

1:09 PM

 
Blogger David said...

I wonder what would have happened if they would have shown the rather large woman taking her shirt off first instead of the hot chick? I would be willing to bet the fighting would have still stopped.

1:31 PM

 
Blogger Mike said...

Best concert I was ever at was the Pink Floyd Division Bell Tour in '94 at the Meadowlands. The guy sitting in front of me (no moshing at a PF concert) stood up at one point with a joint in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He was bombed out of his mind. A security guard saw him, came running down the steps and said, "Sir, you're going to have to give me that bottle."

1:38 PM

 
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I just saw Sting last night and saw no boobies.
But it was still a good show.
Your story is way way better.

10:02 AM

 

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