(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Thursday, May 05, 2005

3rd hand

Toren is consantly perplexed by her dog's incescant [I can't spell and I don't give a fuck] nut licking. Even when she throws objects at him - he heads back in for more ball-lapping-goodness. I know ShopDung is supposed to be the answer guy - but I got this one covered. Your dog licks his balls because he can't scratch them. See nature - in it's cruel twists of evolution has made it so your pup can't get a paw where he needs it most. So he has to go for the next best thing to scratching - that is licking. Also - for this same reason dogs can't wank it - hence all of the leg humping.

As a male of a different species - I can attest to that fact that whatever material nutbag is made out of it itches or needs adjustment 97% of the time - 97%!!!! The fact that the dog stops when the shoe hits him frankly amazes me. When I get home from work I [where I have been adjustment free for hours] I go after my bag like a circus monkey. It's like working in the leather of a new baseball glove - you just have to work it around until it feels right.

I am a strong believer in evolution. I thing that we are slowly on a biological course where males will grow a 3rd hand - somewhere in the thigh region. Think of all of the amazing things we could accomplish if we weren't roaming around the house in a wife-beater and shorts with a hand jammed down the front all the time. I bet I could cure cancer if one of my hand wasn't constantly being distracted.

6 Comments:

Blogger Beck said...

I was surprised to find out how early this starts. As soon as the diaper comes off, The Boy finds his favorite toy...

10:29 AM

 
Blogger slcup said...

I find it amusing how some men are more sly with their adjustments, while some are so blatantly obvious it makes me want to grab The Girls and adjust them right back. Seriously, don't rub/bump your crotch on the door frame of my office - I don't want your crotch-cooties hanging out in here.

11:20 AM

 
Blogger Tigerlily said...

"whatever material nutbag is made out of it itches or needs adjustment 97% of the time - 97%!!!! The fact that the dog stops when the shoe hits him frankly amazes me."
-That is some funny shit, I never thought of it that way.

3:18 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

"I go after my bag like a circus monkey"

Best line ever.

4:32 PM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

When I was in Vegas all that was on my mind was figuring out why Toren's dog was always licking his balls. Thanks for the answers, Scotty. I missed you.

12:08 AM

 
Blogger Erik with a K said...

I think i make scrunchy faces when doing serious adjustments, and i didn't even know it. i caught a glimpse in a mirror the other day and was like whoa, wtf?? but then i went right back to working over the ol' heavy bag. Cuz you're right, it's 97% g-damnit

10:48 AM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home