(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Monday, May 09, 2005

The governments secret plan for peace in the Middle East

Year after year - admistration after administration the US has been unable to foster a lasting Peace in the Middle East. Clinton tried for years - to no avail. He even proposed a bold plan in which the US would tow the Middle East up along side the Mid-West. The Middle Easterns would see W. Virginia, Kentucky and Ohio and realize that what they had wasn't so bad. This plan was about to go into action when the Monica thing blew up in his face.

So the Buch team has a new approach - one that was put into motion by the first George Bush. Oh this was a masterstroke. Bush 1's team had determined that the way to combat violence and fighting was..... boobies (see my previous post for details). Yes boobies. The plan has taken YEARS to fully *mature*. Here are the important details.

They had to find top prospects early on. School pyshicals and the "Presidential Fitness Award" were used as a cover to find girls that were maturing early on. In 1990 and 1991 a nationwide screen was deployed to find 5th grade girls who were
(1) physically fit
(2) smart
(3) A D-cup

Now it was imperitive to find the D-Cups in fifth grade. The training and mind control had to start early. The candidates were further narrowed to girls with lots of weapons experience (like b-b gun fighting and hunting). This skill was needed in case things went south.

Step 2 was to get these girls physically addicted to Chili-Cheese Dogs. That's right - this was imparative.

Step 3 was to get these girls jobs with major defense contractors buiding backpack sized stealth planes. (Oh and get the younger Bush elected president).

So these Alias type ladies are in place. Here's how it'll go down.

Their supply of Chili-Cheese goodness will be suddely cut completely off. They will start to have withdrawl. Agent 'Neesher will leave a note that says - "relocated to Middle East". This will anger the women and then they will give into their needs. Since they build backpack aircraft the cravings will be too much. They will steal a craft and fly it to the Middle East (playing right into the government's hands). As dozens of these craft descend the Middle Easterners will be awed by the burkha free chests of the American beauties. Fighting will stop immediately (the technology was proven at a concert in Western, NY in 1992). Yes - it will be done. Boobs will set them free. (I am not actually sure how the government plans to get the boobs out from hiding - but I have heard scattered reports of flimsy and unsupportive bras. I am sure these wouldn't survive a flight to the Middle East).

4 Comments:

Blogger Tigerlily said...

Seriuosly, you just made my LIFE! Thanks for the laughs, I really need them right now.
YOU FREAKING ROCK!!!!!

10:55 AM

 
Blogger Erik with a K said...

I love the highlighting of *mature*, that means its funny AND important.

Awesome.

2:10 PM

 
Blogger Carly said...

I swear as soon as I read b-b gun fighting I thought of Toren - very funny!

8:32 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Uh...carly? The ENTIRE POST is about toren.

4:42 AM

 

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