(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Saturday, April 16, 2005

ChapStick

I'm not sure what the deal with ChapStick is - but I am totally addicted to it. I have ChapStick in my car, in the bathroom, in the livingroom - it's everywhere! I need it close by - because when I get that "not so moist" feeling I need to lube up. I think the makers of ChapStick put something in there that makes you chemically dependent on it. Once you start you can't stop. "Let's make strawberry or bubblegum flavor - something to get them hooked young." Screw Phillip Morris - the government needs a class action suit against ChapStick. They are targeting children!!!! Here is the weirdest thing about ChapStick - I used to only need it in the winter - now I need it almost year round. Damn you ChapStick!!!! If I forget it, like at a football game, I feel like my lips are going to fall off!

My roomate in college was Indian (from Indian - not the Indians from America). He *never* got chapped lips. WTF?!? How is that possible? He skied and stuff - yet no chapped lips. Clearly the Indians are genetically superior and will enslave the white race at some point. They'll just buy up all of the ChapStick companies and then jack up the price and we will be their bitches!!

6 Comments:

Blogger sideshow bob said...

I know someone with this CDL (chronicall dry lips) syndrome. She has to have a lip balm in every room, one in the car, one in the pocket of every jacket, and also a couple emergency ones stashed away in a cabinet in the bathroom. I don't know how that Suzie Chapstick can sleep at night. Next there'll be a cigarette with chapstick on the butt so you moisten your lips as you smoke, and you'll only be able to get them at walmart, your one stop evil shop.

3:35 PM

 
Blogger Sylvana said...

I used to used Blistex, because Chapstick just made my lips drier (maybe that's why you're addicted) but now I used Smackers lipgloss- strawberry- because it takes good, lasts longer, makes my lips look nice, and you don't get that embarassing white over flow (what were you just up to?). The downfall- when the wind whips your hair across your face and your hair sticks to your lips.

3:44 PM

 
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I used to use a lot of that stuff until I saw a show on discovery channel about how the skin baby otters to get at a thin layer of fat called "chapdermis" that makes the best chapstick.

After that I couldn't use the stuff without getting and image of Suzi Chapstick with that big skinning knife in her hands.

4:10 PM

 
Blogger ARM said...

I went cold turkey off of Carmex. I haven't used it for 7 years. Every once in awhile, I'll hear the sound of someone twisting the metal lid off of a little jar and my fingers will start to twitch. But I just take it one day at a time.

I do use Chapstick now, though, but am not addicted. I just have to have it in my purse.

6:46 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

I heard something on the radio about how it actually interferes with the moisture content of your lips or something..basically, the more you use it, the more you need to use it. I suggest going with a cracked bleeding smile for a week or so to see what happens. At the very least, it will keep conversations with you short.

6:40 AM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

I'm on a like a tube a week habit. When I go to the drug store I walk up to the cashier and I'm like, "I just need one tube. Come on-you gotta help me out with one tube, man." And then the cashier's like, "Um...lip balm is in aisle 5, ma'am."

9:15 AM

 

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