(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Monday, April 25, 2005

There's some fine print for ya

When you went to school did they have a "ditto" machine? The ditto machine (maybe that's just what we called it) was like a welfare copier. It copied stuff - but it came out blue. I have no idea why they used that and not an actual copier - but I digress.

Anyway, maybe my ditto copy of the "How Global Warming Works" is a little fuzzy. But what the fuck? For real I am sure I remember some doom and gloom stuff about the earth getting hotter. I am sure it is in here somewhere. Ah I found it, "Due to fat lazy Americans, their cars and massive amounts of hairspray the earth is getting hotter and we are all going to die." Well maybe there is a new edition of this piece of shit - but just so they have some more data - parts of Cleveland got 18 inches of snow yesterday. That's right - on fucking April 24th - 1.5 feet of snow.

Well, there are 2 possibilities :
(1) This global warming thing is a bunch of hooey
(2) We aren't doing enough

I'd like to focus on (2). I think that the science is valid - so the issue is that we are not doing enough. Well I like it warm in April - so here is what you can do to help.
  • Leave your car running. From now on when I am at work I am going to leave my car in the parking lot idling
  • Use heroic amounts of CFC enriched hairspray
  • Support bill HR-43342 which demands the hair metal bands of the 80's go back on tour and make big hair "cool again"
  • Buy some coal and burn it for no reason
  • Eat lots of 1/2 pound bean Burritos at Taco Bell
If we can't do this together - pull together to warm this M'Fer up.... well then the terrorist have won.


Blogger Sarah said...

As anyone who knows me can tell you, I am doing all I can to support hair bands.

Win big, Mama's Fallen Angel

11:20 AM

Anonymous cheryl said...

Unfortunately for all of us, global warming doesn't just mean a warmer planet.

It means hotter summers, colder winters, and more weird and irregular weather.

So getting snow dumped on us in April, yeah, that's global warming too, wearing its cold-weather mask.

12:46 PM

Blogger Erik with a K said...

Global warming is a crock of crap insomuch as people are braying like donkeys about the end of the world and wah wah wah. Historical data suggests MUCH higher levels of CO2, CO, and pollution at the end of the 19th century/beginning of the 20th century, not to mention the belching firestorm from which most of this planet was born in the middle ages. There is no clear guide for what acceptible levels of greenhouse gases are, despite what "experts" might tell you. Simply put, the waxing and waning of these gases has been a natural phenomena for millenia, regardless of man's involvement.

does this mean we don't take steps to curb pollution? No of course not. And if we don't check China, they will effing ruin this planet with their industrial spew. They have already turned the Yellow river...er yellow, and ruined the Yangtze, in keeping with their philosophy of ruining the beautiful air, land and sea of their ancestors.

But seriously, stop with all the cluck clucking and doom-n-gloom, this planet expects modulation of its temperatures over time, and will adjust accordingly.

I still have my Time magazine from the 70s with the screaming title "THE NEW ICE AGE" across it...

2:05 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

Erik, pick up that guitar and talk to me!!

3:36 PM

Blogger John said...

Global warming is serious you guys. Because it totally did not go down to 25 degrees here in May of 1966 nor was it 102 degrees in September of 1952. Every extreme temperature on record has been recorded in the last 2 decades because global warming is not warming, it's global erraticism. That's what it's really called.

5:11 PM

Blogger danielle said...

hold the phone. if global wam-ring means hotter summers, someone please explain last year's 75 degree cap, which i am in no way complaining about.

5:19 PM

Blogger Kara0303 said...

I'm doing my part in the usage of hairspray. I had to considering we had winds down in Atlanta driving the temps into the 30s! In April!?

7:32 PM

Blogger Scott said...

Global Warming refers to the overall average temperature of all the weather on earth, not just in Cleveland. Overall, it typically means more extreme weather, like more floods, more droughts, more snow in April, and hotter summers. But it'll still fluctuate.
FYI - it normally snows once a year in Atlanta - 3 inches. It hasn't snowed for the past 3 years at all.

2:26 PM

Blogger Angel said...

When I was in elementary school, they wouldn't let the kids touch the ditto machines because they said they cause cancer. The teachers still used them though. Sometimes I wonder if all of my beloved grade school teachers are now dead after painful years of fighting cancer.

4:25 PM


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