(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Friday, April 08, 2005

NRB

Before blogging there was college. College was the first forum where people just talked about anything and everything (like Blogging). For example, I had a friend Traci, one day she just goes, "I love doggy-style - best penetration." Very matter-of-factly. So apparently that made some kind of mark on me because I still remember - however I forgot whatever the teacher was saying.

So one time I was talking to my roomate. And we start talking about a phenomenon that we would later call NRB. You may have heard of it - it is in Urban Dictionary - so we didn't invent it - unless we did and then it made it to U.D. Anyway NRB is "No Reason Boner". This is a situation where, as a guy, you are doing nothing remotely sexual in nature and boing! It just jumps up to full salute. This is also know as "I don't want to go to the Black Board right now"itis. The condition afflicts men of all ages, races and religions. Please do not confuse this with jean boner. Jean boner can strike both genders. Jean boner is the thing when a weird fold of denim makes it look like you are sportin' major chub. NRB is when you are, in fact, sporting major chub - but for no reason.

It's like your junk decides to perform an emergency preparedness drill. "All hands! All hands!! This is a test - man your battlestations!! We are go for full salute in 15 seconds.. GO GO GO!!" You as the owner of said junk are unaware of the emergency drill schedule. Sometimes it can be at the worst times. When I in highschool I was on the swim team. This kid from the other team had NRB and he was standing on the starting blocks. He kept bending into the start position, but the starter (who could not see the front of him) kept saying, "swimmers up - we all have to come down together" So NRB boy has to stand (with only a Speedo on) and wait to be "allowed" to assume the starting position.

Anyway - females may not know that NRB is out there and that it can attack at any time. Females may know about morning-wood but that is a sort of specific offshoot of NRB and generally anyone in the bed with/near you has probably already seen the junk already (nicely done). So just a warning.

7 Comments:

Blogger slcup said...

Very educational. Things you don't know when you only have a vagina.

3:42 PM

 
Blogger Beck said...

We called the Jean Boner a "farf", although it related to that big fold in ALL pants, not just jeans. I have some dress slacks that I call my "big farf pants" because it's freakin' huge, so I hate wearing them.
If your farf really WAS a boner, then we called it an "innigan".

Incidentally, it's fun to sing, "I left my farf in San Francisco..." (It's also fun to sing "You're a mean one Mr. Grinch, you've got termites in your CROTCH!")

4:40 PM

 
Blogger slcup said...

For some reason that made me think of us continually saying "moist panties" in Mr. Taylor's class. Remember that?

5:09 PM

 
Blogger ARM said...

Girls get NRN - no reason nips. It's not cold and you're not horny, but the girls are at attention...it's pretty bad, too. But not as bad as NRB...thanks for the laugh, man!

6:40 PM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

"Swimmers up! Steve? That's not what I meant."

10:50 PM

 
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Great post. I'm thinking this could be rather helpful to the women of the world - kind of like a sneak preview (I want to say "of things to come" but it's too obvious so I won't)

7:07 AM

 
Blogger TheUltimateCyn said...

Oh, I have been onto the NRB for a long time, and all I can say is - THANK GOD for it - it makes for wonderful busywork when you're bored as hell, or just wanting to be randy for no reason at all, which is the women's version of NRB, it is the RNR or the JLP syndrome. Either way, glad it's there!

11:28 AM

 

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