(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Dolphins and Camels and Monkeys, oh my!

Here's something that pisses me off - and I can't really explain why. I'll be watching TV or at the zoo or something and I'll say, "Oh look at the camel!" Then some asshole always feels the urge to say, "Actually that is a dromedary - you can tell by the number of humps." What? Fuck you - you useless fact spouting moron.

On to the primate area. [me] "Oh sweet, check out that monkey!!" [them] "Actually that is a chimpanzee not a monkey you can tell [gurgling noise as I fucking choke them]" Who is this distinction helping? I mean really - who the fuck is benefiting from the distinction. Will there be a day that I am stuck on a rope bridge and someone will yell, "Go to the chimpanzee NOT the monkey - the monkey has rabies!" I mean why is the person correcting me? Have I offended the monkey's sensibilities? I mean they are pretty refined - with the poop flinging and all. Thanks, I'd hate to insult the little guy as his bare red ass runs around in a cage.

Finally we make it to the dolphins. People love dolphins. Dolphins piss me off for this very reason. Now I know that dolphins are not fish - but I like to say it. [me] "Dolphins are the coolest fish ever!!" [them] "Actually, dolphins are mammals because they breathe air and have live you and .... (goes on for 5 minutes) and they are also extremely intelligent. They have so many brain folds that (5 more minutes) and rescue diving teams too!!!" [me] "Um, if they are so smart why do they end up in tuna fish? I mean I am not complaining - because they are delicious"


Blogger Sarah said...

I'm sorry to say that I am a fact spouting moron about one thing: when people refer to peanuts as a type of nut.

Them: I don't like nuts. Except for peanuts.
Me: Actually peanuts aren't nuts. They are beans.

I'm sorry. I can't help it. You can verify this with Diane because she hears it a lot and usually wants to kill me.

Also did you know dolphins are the only other species besides humans who have sex for pleasure? You guys, I am not smart so when something I hear actually sticks, I need to pass it on and pretend I am capable of intelligent conversation.

1:03 PM

Blogger Tigerlily said...

I just shot an oodle noodle out of my nose, I swear to shit. THe rope bridge/monkey situation really messed me up. Did you know a polar bear can smell a seal under 6 feet of ice?

1:14 PM

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

The ones with the red asses are actually Baboons. They use the bright red ass to attract members of the opposite sex, much like the S&M fetishist.

1:32 PM

Blogger slcup said...

Should I know what an "oodle noodle" is? It sounds terrifying.

2:26 PM

Blogger Tigerlily said...

'tis an oodles of noodles noodle.
AAAAAAAahahahhahaa. I just didn't know how else to describe it.

2:35 PM


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