(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Freezing

Okay, I complain about everything. I have actually said to my boss (in response to his asking why I didn't fix some issue within my power) "No, I'd rather leave it that way and just keep complaining about it - it's what I do." One thing that should be off limits to males is complaining about cold - suck it up Nancy. But oh my fucking god it is so muther f'ing cold in my fucking office it is ridiculous. I am not even kidding it is like 50 degrees in here - you can feel the temperature drop as you walk down the hall. I want to roll a 55 gallon drum in here and light a fire and stand by it like a hobo.

Okay - I will survive the cold, that is not the main issue. The main issue is that I have to piss like every 5 seconds. I am not a "no hands" so I must put at least one of my hands on my "junk". Somehow my core temperature is staying at about 92 degrees - but my hands are about 32 degrees. So I have to fish my frightened friend out with my ice cold hand. It is the anotomical equivilent of having someone dump ice water on you while you sleep. Holy crap it is cold.

I had to share this with you - I feel that we are closer.

7 Comments:

Blogger slcup said...

That's the funniest damn thing I've read in a while. Holy crap.
urban princess sarah

3:36 PM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

Urban Princess Sarah, I definitely think you should move to Cleveland and go to lunch with us. If you enjoyed this story, believe me--there is a lot more where this came from.

By the way, Scott, at least you don't have to sit your ass down on a porcelin toilet that's being kept at about -14 degrees.

10:52 PM

 
Blogger Erik with a K said...

Yeah, the Pucker Factor on the freezing toilet seats at our building is about 9/10...

7:15 AM

 
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Erik, what you have to do is hang out in the bathroom for a little while, (well, I mean, more than you already do now) and when someone leaves a stall, you should just take that one. Pre-warmed. (ewwww...)

9:05 AM

 
Blogger slcup said...

Pre-warmed toilet seats? Ick. I've worked at my job for almost 12 years and it took me nearly 6 years to feel comfortable enough to drop my pants to conduct business. I had no trouble dropping trou for other things, but other people's ass prints on toilet seats gives me the heebie-geebies.

10:43 AM

 
Blogger danielle said...

i can't believe you and i have the sme brain. i was just telling the effers on 6 that i'm gonna start a fire in a toxic waste cannister and see what kind of warmth i can generate in the old csc shit hole.

10:59 PM

 
Blogger John said...

Fish out your frightened friend? ahahaahhahah that's effin funny. I think you're really inspired by this new UPS. (Urban Princess Sarah)

6:58 PM

 

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