(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Need a Sherpa to get to work?

If you don't know - Sherpa's are these Buddhists that guide you up the Himalaya's and carry lots of shit. There are people that come to my office that I swear need a Sherpa. Not for the guidance - my building is easy to find - it is the big ugly one that is falling apart. No they need the Sherpa to carry the shear volume of shit they bring to work! Until late last year I did not have a laptop so I had literally nothing to carry to and from work. I would bring my ID badge - that is it. I see people coming with a laptop bag that is almost tearing at the seams. What is in there.
Okay - lets see. A laptop, the power supply, a mouse, a few cables. I have a laptop now - that is what is in the bag. But no - this has to be more, there could be a fucking lounge chair in there. Why is it so big and bloated - what are they transporting? Did they kill their spouse and they are bringing body parts in to toss out with office waste? Are they digging out of Shawshank and they are bringing little pieces of their wall to the "yard" every day?
That's not even the worst - not by a long shot. Sometimes the bag is so immense that the person can't even carry it. So they have a dolly to pull it along. Are you fucking kidding me? You have so much shit for an 8 hour shift that you literally can't carry it? I mean you work at a desk and type stuff all day - you aren't trying to survive a week in the bush and survive on MRE's and things in your pack. For the love of God leave some shit home - you are not that important.
Also a side note on umbrellas - I don't own one. I don't believe in them. I can handle getting wet twice a year to not have to deal with the frustration of forgetting it or having it get broken etc. But some people NEED one - even in the snow. It's snow people - you'll be fine - it brushes off. Leave the umbrella - you look like an asshole.


Blogger Sarah said...

Something else that pisses me off is when people have a teeny, tiny laptop case the size of a wallet and they pull it on a dolly. You can tell because it's basically flying in the air behind them because there's not enough wait to keep it down. Quit being a douche and carry it! Even Scott, Mr. T-rex himself, carries his!

1:29 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

I meant "weight"--not "wait". You guys are fine. Let's make fun of dolly-pulling douchebags again.

1:31 PM

Blogger Scott said...

I am sure she will correct it by the time you read this but Sarah wrote "wait" instead of "weight" and I busted her on it. This is important and monumental - because I am almost functionally illiterate. I can't spell my way out of a paper bag. I have a 4th grade reading level for godsake - but I found that and that makes me better than Sarah. getting pwned by me on english is like losing a bench press contest against me.

1:36 PM

Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

A list of things I would carry to work if I had one of those fancy bags with wheels on it:
1) My desktop pc from home
2) A big mirror for my desk, which has writing on it that says "Objects in mirror are more obtuse than they seem."
2) A mini-bar WITH taps.
3) Extra pair of white socks, with little green shamrocks on them
4) Vern Troyer

Talk about kickin ass and taking names. My cube would rock, although Vern might be a distraction.

2:37 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

I have boobs so I am automatically better than you, Scott. If I had a bag that I pulled on a dolly, I would carry Danielle to work.

2:43 PM

Blogger John said...

I think a funny thing would be if you had a dolly on your dolly. Or maybe even a few. What if you were a dolly salesman? Or even better what if you weren't but you had a whole stash of dollies on your dolly and then when people ask you what the fuck you could just be like "Those are spares in case this one breaks"

9:26 PM

Blogger danielle said...

i dont think we've used the word dolly enough here you guys. dolly dolly dolly! dolly.

11:55 PM

Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Sherpas rock. Ever see those documentaries about people climbing Everest? The sherpas do all the work. They are insane. They climb up there with aluminum ladders on their backs, lash them in place over chasms, and climb back down, with no oxygen masks or gortex in sight. You always see them laughing with each other around the fire - they're laughing at the rest of the climbers, and if you listen carefully, you can almost always make out the napalese word for "pussies."

7:21 AM


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