Dammit - I am going to miss my exit - better cause an accident

I used to live in New York State. In NY the exit numbers are sequential - so all "Exit 61" tells you is that it is before "Exit 62" but after "Exit 60". This is fucking stupid numbering system because it conveys no information about distance AND if you ever add another exit you have to pull some 61A and 61B bullshit. In Ohio the exits are numbered based on the mile marker. So "Exit 61" is 9 miles from "Exit 70" (In general people from Ohio seem mildly retarded on the road to me - but I think they got this one right).

So in Ohio if you know you need to get off at Exit 205 - and you are at mile marker 204 - well guess what fucko? Time to move to the right. Unfortunately, this is rarely what actually happens. No typically the asshole-dick-blowing-mother-fucker (ADBMF) will stay 4 lanes to the left until Newtonian physics says it is not possible to make it to the exit. That's when ADBMF makes his move. Cutting off anyone and anything in his way. Just blindly flying through 3 lanes of traffic and then cutting over that little striped triangle bit that tells you you missed the exit.

My question has always been this - What the Fuck? Seriously - What the Fuck?? Is my life worth only 2 of your precious minutes? Because here's the deal - if you gracefully move to the right and exit at the next exit (about 1 mile away) you can take a left - then take another left and you go back 1 mile on the highway and exit. Voila - you are back to your exit (albeit 2 minutes later).

I live to see some douche realize he needs to exit (from 3 lanes away) and start to make the dash (obviosly not using directional signals - they must not teach people what those are in Ohio). I generally see if I can interpose and make him miss his exit. I think that it makes him think about it in the future - or something - generally I just want to piss him off.

The other day I was driving on a highway (read: 60MPH) in Cleveland. I was in the far right lane, when the bus directly in front of me went perpendicular to the road. It was like fucking "Speed" and the dude was at 51MPH and dropping. I had no idea what was going on (or that buses were so fucking manuverable). Anyway - he was dodging a delivery truck... that was stopped... IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HIGHWAY!!! This guy wasn't broken down - no he missed his exit (about 1/4 mile back). And he wanted to stop in a travel lane to contimplate backing up. I am not fucking kidding. Well he must have decided that was fucking moronic - so he drove to the next exit (1/2 mile ahead) and turned around. So he almost killed a bus load of people to avoid the "invconvenience" of having to go 1 mile.

That is the final and most annoying move. Newton and his physics have made you miss your exit (or perhaps I helped).... man I hope it was me cutting your stupid ass off. So you pull off to the right and figure, "drive *1* mile forward?? No way!!" I'll just back up on the shoulder of a major US interstate and create a rate of closing around 100MPH. Then I'll just insert myself into the offramp (going -25MPH) with the other cars gong +75MPH. Yep, that's solid - that's my plan. You inbred fuckwit - I will fucking kill you.