(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Hanukkah and baseball

I got very little sleep last night. This was entirely my fault. I was being a total dork and playing video games and then woke up for work at 4:30. My brain revolts violently against me when I do this. It actually will start yelling at me, "nice work douche - we are frickin tired (my brain doesn't swear). Holy crap - I hope that was worth it you totally worthless geek. [mocking tone] 'just have to kill a few more guys...' "

F you brain. Once I get a shower we usually get things together and can think about the day ahead. First we have to get dressed etc. Here are some interesting thoughts that my sleep deprived mind had this morning.

(1) Baseball
Have you ever watched a baseball highlight where the center fielder runs full speed into the wall chasing a pop fly? Well, most baseball fields have a "warning track". The warning track is where the grass ends and dirt starts. It lets the fielder "feel" that he is running out of room. I have a similar situatution with my underwear. I wear boxers (tighty whiteys and I parted ways in high school) I have like 15 pairs. They are all pretty much the same with the exception of 2 pairs. These 2 pairs are manufactured differently in some way. The cut or sewing is different. Well this subtle difference causes them to give me a wedgie everytime I stand up. So when I am about to run out of clean clothes those pairs are all I have left and I have to wear them. It is my warning track. It allows me to "feel" that I am about to run out of clean clothes. Its a pretty well conceived system.

(2) Hanukkah
Please don't be offended if you are Jewish, I am no scholar of religion, but I think Hanukkah is the "festival of lights". I probably learned about it in 1st or 2nd grade. I think there were some Jewish people that escaped somewhere and hid in a cave. They had enough oil to make light for 1 day - but miraculously it lasted 7 days. Hanukkah is a celebration of that miracle (or maybe it isn't - but this is how I remember it). So this morning I am going to put I deoderant (I am alergic to every kind except "Mitchum Unscented"). I have one stick left and I keep forgetting to go to Walmart and get more. The stick I have (stick is the wrong term - it is the gel kind that oozes up when you turn the wheel) has been "out" of goop for about 7 days. But just like Hanukkah some miracle makes it keep pumping the stuff out. So I have been fresh for over a week on, what appeared to be, 1 days worth of deoderant. Hopefully, my decendants will have a holiday in honor of this miracle!!


Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Jewish people felt they needed to "update" their holiday to compete with the whole Jesus being born thing, so they added the whole "present" componant. But ask any Jesish person, they admit it's lame. Dradles rot.

8:21 AM

Blogger Erik with a K said...

i have a container of aftershave gel that works the same way...it's been bone dry for a week, and yet each morning I can coax one more dollop out of it to soothe my burning face. the only early warning underwear I have are the ones that tell me they need to be thrown away...they communicate this by pinching and choking my sack in the most uncomfortable way when I slouch down in a chair.

8:58 AM

Blogger John said...

My warning tracks are also known as point 5's. Ask Danielle or see my trip prep post for clarification.

10:10 PM


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