(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Ultimate Slow Chargers

Okay - I just tried to use "search this blog" to find something I had written about "hard chargers". Hard Chargers are the people that dive into the elevator the nano-second the doors open - they will run you over as you try to get out - they are moronic fuckwits. Anyway, I searched for "charger", then "hard" then "hard charger" - all of them had no results. So to make sure it was working I searched for "fuck" (that should have generated about 600 hits). Again zero - either I am a dumb ass user or its busted. Anyway - the definition of hard charger is above. You would think that the opposite of a hard charger would be a soft charger - but it's a slow charger (I am not sure why). A slow charger is someone that is so god damn indecisive that they miss their floor etc.

So at my office there is a bank of 3 elevators. At any given time there are usually 2 working. But today we are down to 1 elevator (the other 2 are broken or sleeping or something). So after lunch there is a huge queue of people waiting to go UP in the elevator. *Everyone* knows that we have one elevator - so fortunately the first 15 people pack into the elevator (after 15 people filed out).

I am now 3rd in line. I am behind 2 Asian women (I am not sure which denomination of Asian they are - but they are speaking that language). There is still a big queue behind me - and we are all waiting for the elevator which is taking *forever*. (Note there are no stairs - other than emergency stairs - so this is the only option). *Finally* the elevator arrives. About 15 people pile out and have to weave through the 15 people waiting to get on. The 15th person gets out and the 2 Asian girls move so slowly that... THE FUCKING DOORS CLOSE!! I am not kidding - with about 6 inches of daylight they both panic - one of them contimplates sticking an arm in there - and in the worst relfex move I have **EVER** seen the other girl attempts to find and hit the UP button. The doors close and the elevator heads off for another 10 minute round trip. Everyone is totally pissed. I say (loudly), "That did not go well." The girl behind me goes, "If I wasn't holding soup I would have dove in there." Holy shit slow chargers - I will kill you.


Blogger Sarah said...

It would've been awesome if the lady with the soup had actually thrown her soup on them.

Goddammit I hate slow chargers. At least hard chargers have their mind made up. They're a-holes, but dammit they know where they want to go. I would much rather miss an elevator because I was pushed to the ground by a hard charger than because someone couldn't get on the fucking elevator fast enough because 'oooh it's a newfangled machine. we are scared of the people carrier that flies through the sky'. Dammit now I'm all pissed.

1:23 PM

Blogger John said...

holy effing greatest slow charge of the century! I work with you and as I read your post I was thinking c'mon man there HAS to be stairs. Sadly even though I know that there aren't I know that everyone who reads this will just think you said that for effect.

3:28 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

Seriously, people, there are NO stairs. I swear to you.

9:59 AM

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1:37 PM

Blogger Jacq said...

I was also going to suggest the stairs, but wouldn't there have to be stairs in case of an emergency when the elevators weren't in use?

Gotta admit, I prefer the hard chargers, too. I agree with Sarah on that one.

What about people who are afraid of escalators? Ever see them? Take the damn stairs already.

8:45 AM

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

They would have lost their place at the head of the line. Immediately. That's in the rules and like the transporter says. Rules are Rules!

9:25 AM

Blogger The Jamoker said...

You and I might have been separated at birth. We appear to look at things in life in very similar ways. Keep up the great rants, I'll be checking back often.

7:54 PM

Blogger David M said...

They should be burned in effigy!

11:21 AM

Blogger The Jamoker said...

yes. pluggin myself here...

but, I just posted at


would love to see your thoughts/contributions on the topic.

3:30 PM

Blogger Weary Hag said...

Christ, I've missed visiting your blog. I need a new surf system.

What floor do you work on? Cuz I'm thinking those two slow chargers might have been best served with a toss out the nearest freaking window at that point. Wouldn't get the elevator there any faster, but imagine the great conversation that could have taken place amongst the waiters.

5:10 PM


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