Cell Phones

Holy Christ - I have a lot say here. Cell phones are a convenience - but goddammit they are annoying. People in airports just assume that I give a fuck about them and their agenda, "NO MARCY'S GONNA HAVE TO FILL IN, THIS FLIGHT IS DELAYED AND WE WON'T MAKE IT OUT ON TIME. OH THAT? WELL IT STILL BURNS QUITE A BIT WHEN I PISS BUT THE CREAM SHOULD CLEAR THAT UP." Shut the fuck up - god. No effort to control volume or content.

I will admit when I drive I talk on my cell phone sometimes. I can say - without hesitation - it makes me a worse driver. For one thing you can't turn your head one way - for another it takes your focus away from driving. People on cell phones drive like total shitheads (I mean above and beyond their normal bullshit). In New York state it is against the law to drive while talking on a cell phone. This law has made no change in public behavior and people break it ALL the time.

Cell phones at work are the worst thing ever. Some jack-hole always leaves their cell phone on the desk so I have to listen to the Star Wars theme in MIDI at 85 decibels because they left their phone on the desk. Or - God forbid - they answer and just start yelling to the person on the other end. The final (and perhaps worst offense was brought up to me by John today). The conference room cell phone ring. Someone is droning on at the front of the room and suddenly the CHIPs theme is blaring. Every (except the person who has the ringing phone) moves a little bit to ensure they are not the asshole. Finally after about the 3rd ring everyone is able to triagulate the oblivious dick. "Hey Sphen, is that you man?" Then he is all surprised - "oh shit - I thought I turned this off." I swear to christ I will cockslap the next motherfucker who does this.

* Note - Star Wars and CHIPs would actually be really cool ring tones. Substitue something stupid in there (like William Huang).