(I am back and we have some things to discuss. Can't... control.... anger!"

Friday, January 20, 2006

Anal floss

God... It's Scott - please give me the strength to not jam on my brakes and kill this fucking useless tailgating dick licker behind me.

Holy mother fucking christ tailgaters piss me off. They get up your ass like a wedgie and they won't go away. Oh - now you will be to work 1-2 seconds earlier - great. My favorite is when its a truck - or anything tall. Then you get the headlights right in the eyes - nice. The other possibility is some hillbilly fuck with his high beams on - not tailgating but essentially firing enough lumens at you to Xray parts of your body.

The high beam from behind trick is a tough one to beat - but there is a way. When I was little this shit would occur and my dad would say, "Mitz" (this is what everyone calls my mom - yes including you John so we can avoid the "I banged Mitz" comments). My mom would magically spring into aciton. Like the laser targeting system on the SDI (Star Wars Satellite) she would grab the rear view mirror (and perform some Eisteinien level trig.) within .0042 seconds my mom would refocus the beam back on the hillbilly's eyes. The car behind us would always swerve momentarilly and then the high beams would go off. It was basically the coolest thing I've ever seen. F you high beam M'Fer

7 Comments:

Blogger Dramedy Girl said...

I wish I had that skill! Of course, I just basically get the tailgaters that are so damn close you can't even see their headlights, let alone be blinded by them.

9:28 PM

 
Blogger tfg said...

Damn. This resembles an idea for a real invention that I had. I was going to mount a concave mirror on the rear of my car to blind tailgaters. I never thought to use your mom's trick and mount it under the rear view mirror.

2:42 PM

 
Blogger John said...

I remember I gave Mitz the ol' high beam from behind trick once. Man that was the days.

10:54 PM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

I agree with you on this tailgating thing UNLESS you are in front of me in the left lane, and I obviously am trying to pass and you won't get over. In that case I will drive up onto your rear bumper until you get over.

10:16 AM

 
Blogger Jacq said...

I like to drive REALLY S**L**O**W when someone is behind me after riding my ass for an eternity. It pisses them off, especially when there's a double line and a cop sitting in the corner waiting to nail their ass! I also like to tilt my mirrors, so the reflection hits them back in the face. Not sure if it works or not. I'm great at ignoring people and tuning out everything around me.

3:40 PM

 
Blogger -Kami- said...

I have been trying for YEARS to do that! I don't think I've ever done it right because they usually don't stop. I need some pointers.

9:28 AM

 
Blogger Jacq said...

-Kami-

Do you mean the tuning out of other people or the driving?

My boyfriend hates my ability to tune things out. I'm always accused of ignoring him. But I can't help it!!! It was 8 years of marriage prior to meeting him that helped me to acquire that skill.

;P

2:30 PM

 

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